PSA: I'M GOING TO COLLEGE and other life developments

Yes, ledez and gentlemenz. I'm going to college officially!!! Like I put the SIR down and my SLR and now I am officially going to be studying computer science at ... du dun du duuuuun

I'm going to school with George Michael!!! Hello. After very careful consideration and long days and nights, after all the daydreams and fantasies, weighing the pros and cons, I decided that UCI would be the best option for me. And now look at me, I'll be studying compsci at a good school in a good program, and I'll have v minimal student loans. #bless. I'd like 2 thank not only God but jezus. Except now my only issues are that the winter break is 2 weeks ( -__-) and the weather is that dam socal weather I so desperately wanted to get away from. Sighs. Also my bubs, Sam, is going to Syracuse and now we're going to do long distance and wow why is my life suddenly turning into Like Crazy??

Also PSA: (it's PSAception) you have not sobbed hard enough if you have not seen this movie. I'll save my tears for another blog post but let's just say I so desperately do not want to struggle very hard for years only to end up with my bubs in the shower crying with nothing to say or think about other than old memories. SIIiiiIIiiIIIigh.

2 weeks of high school left. I survived 4 years in hell. Wat. I remember being a (spiritually/emotionally) little freshman. Where does the time go?!

One Last Poem For Richard by Sandra Cisneros

December 24th and we’re through again.
This time for good I know because I didn’t
throw you out — and anyway we waved.
No shoes. No angry doors.
We folded clothes and went
our separate ways.
You left behind that flannel shirt
of yours I liked but remembered to take
your toothbrush. Where are you tonight?

Richard, it’s Christmas Eve again
and old ghosts come back home.
I’m sitting by the Christmas tree
wondering where did we go wrong.

Okay, we didn’t work, and all
memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.
But sometimes there were good times.
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep
beside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great wars
like ours. There ought to be awards
and plenty of champagne for the survivors.

After all the years of degradations,
the several holidays of failure,
there should be something
to commemorate the pain.

Someday we’ll forget that great Brazil disaster.
Till then, Richard, I wish you well.
I wish you love affairs and plenty of hot water,
and women kinder than I treated you.
I forget the reason, but I loved you once,
remember?

Maybe in this season, drunk
and sentimental, I’m willing to admit
a part of me, crazed and kamikaze,
ripe for anarchy, loves still.

a breakdown of my future

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO COLLEGE YET HAH

But in actual news I forreal don't know where I'm going and I know have 9 days to decide wow let me just curl up in fetal position. I spent the last 17 years of my life wanting to grow up and go to college and now I don't even know what I'm doing in life. It's spring break and I've spent half of it eating fucking Totino's Pizza Rolls. I just finished my second box jesus take the wheel. I really have like 3 good options, but like realistically I only have one actual good option and wow. I need to take control of my life hah.

Name: Katrina
Major: Computer Science (trying to double major Math)
Wants: East Coast liberal artsy type kids, professors who give a shit, students who give a shit (but not too much shit???), internships, TREES, winter, cool atmosphere, minimal greek life, individual bathrooms for the love of god plEASE, diversity, a hep campus

SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY - WHERE PEOPLE BLEED ORANGE

Pros: Basically everything I wanted in a college setting~
Cons: Location, didn't notice too much diversity, computer science isn't really well-known, greek life ugh pls, it's too damn expensive

Wah. Most likely will not attend because as everyone knows students loans = = = satan

So here is the school I'll be attending next year (most likely) - my initial "safe" school, which I now realize was a risky safe school bc their acceptance rate is actually lower than I thought lol.

UCI - UC IRVINE - HOME OF THE ANTEATERS - ZOT ZOT ZOT

Pros: V good compsci program, near Irvine tech hub, close to friends and family, familiar surroundings, asians, cheap! (I won't have to get student loans)

Cons: close to friends and family, familiar surroundings, 44% asians (not v diverse), communal bathrooms

The biggest problem with UCI for me is simply that it will be so familiar. It's so close to home and wow it's just not what I wanted at all. But this is just me being a Bratty B. It's really not so bad. I guess I'll just have to get used to it. And communal bathrooms :P :P :P :P

I guess this means I can keep my Southern California West Coast is Best Coast street cred right???Ah well. Here's to the future.

the fates will find their way

I am looking at my last post here. The beginning of senior year. Siiiigh. How time flies. So it's the end of senior year now and I haven't totally made it yet. Senioritis hit me hard. Also these college decisions. Like a brick. To my heart. I got my last decision today. So all in all I have gotten into

• Fordham
• RPI
• St John's
• Seton Hall
• University of Portland
• Syracuse
• University of Washington
• UCI

Woo. It's a modest list. I know...Okay. So it wasn't what I was expecting but I'll take it. I have my break up song playlist to get me through this mess I'm calling my youth. I know everything is going to work out. I know that college is what you put into it.  I know that these schools are good too. I know I know I know. But I've also been knowing things like that for years. And I guess seeing this list has made me think like wow I don't actually know anything??? Which is not true! I know a lot. I am smart and funny sometimes. I will not peak in high school. Because this sure as hell is not a peak. I am in a valley behind a long line of mountain climbers. The fates will find its away. Mary (JESSICA BIEL) on 7th Heaven (yes we're turning this into a family melodrama) said, " if you fall off the edge of the Earth, just keep falling. And eventually, the universe will embrace you, and lift you up again."

The universe can really suck my dick sometimes, though. 

shit

You know I only started school yesterday and I'm already stressing jfc. I'm a senior yay how did this happen? How did I get this far? I remember being a freshman, looking slightly less nasty than I do now, and already wanting out of high school and I don't know it feels weird knowing that here I am less than a year away from it. Not saying that I'm one of those losers who want to stay in high school forever because they had "the best memoriesssss <3" and "all of ma frenzzz" but you know I guess I have a bit of sentiment. Actually, you know what is the weirdest shit? Is when people who have already graduated like try to keep up with the school gossip and stuff and come and visit all the time. Like damn I know you're only going to community college but do you really need to hang out at your old high school~ Judgin, judgin everywhere. The freshmen are surprisingly not little shits this year as they have been in years before. I don't know or maybe I haven't seen enough of them. I only know like 2 anyways. Oh but the weird flower crown obsession has reached my school and I've been seeing girls wearing them in their hair and I just...((sigh)). Girl, idk how to tell you this but you look basic. I really need to start writing like actually on a piece of paper because I was looking through my old diaries last week and even though I had the stupidest things to write about (omg he looked at me today like 3 times and he almost bumped into me and we almost made eye contact like omg) I like reading them. And this is like my most important year! I hope I don't burn out this year but I already resorted to the messy bun and it's only the second day. By tomorrow I'll be walking out of class like "deuces y'all". Oh okay so like the principal talked to all the girls today about their skirts and how they were ""too short and inappropriate"" (they're not) and then he's all like "I'm trying to protect you girls" It's like fuck you we don't need you thinking you're protecting us by telling us to pull our damn skirts down. What does he even think he's protecting us from anyways? I wasn't aware I went to high school where all the boys were serial rapists. Ugh okay it's late and here's a to-do list

• fix men's uniform sweater (like 3 years overdue)

pretty sure that's it lol byeeee

Summer Reading Rainbow

This will be an ongoing series to document whatever I read this summer. Before vacation started, I had a pile of 13 books I wanted to read before I had to go back to school. I don't really think I'll get through all 13 books but we'll see. So far I've read On the Road, Middlesex, The Spectacular Now, and Lolita. So anyways I guess on to the reviews...

My Summer So Far

I feel like I start every new post with "I haven't written on here in forever". It's lame, but it's true. I actually am not sure why I've been skirting my blogging duties (maybe because it actually did start to feel like a weird school assignment) and what for but I'm back and I think I'll stay. Besides, one of the things I wanted to do this summer was write more. Anyways, I've been out of school for a little less than a month and although I haven't really done anything that special, I am enjoying my summer as it is. I told myself I wanted to learn stuff this summer so I've been learning French and I actually am learning French! Now when I look at the titles for all the French pop music I listen to, I can understand like 2% of the words. I mean I don't know much, but I know more than I did before! And Duolingo provides such precious gems for translations.

I Miss the Mountains

The California State Thespian Festival was this weekend, and I can honestly say it was one of the best weekends of my life. I qualified for Nationals with my solo musical (I sang Pulled from The Addams Family) and I got into the All-State Show with my monologue! It was all so crazy. I did have high expectations for this year's festival, but I was so surprised when they actually, like happened! And there were so many cute boys there. SO MANY CUTE BOYS WITH NICE PANTS AND NICE HAIR AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICES AND GLASSES. It's important to remember that 60% of them were prooooobably gay. The people I met were so nice, too! I do regret not trying to talk to even more people, though. Anyways, I guess I'll give you a break down of my weekend~

So Thursday afternoon, my troupe gets to the hotel and we had to help make these goody bags for all the judges. Yeah, it was as dumb and boring as it sounds. On Friday, I was freaking out because I had all my auditions and tech interviews and IE's on that day. The first audition I had was for the all-state show which went so well! But then I had my solo musical IE first and I was kind of peeing a little bit because like I've never really like sung before. And I remember how upset I was after I finished with that IE because I thought I had screwed it up so bad. My voice was pitchy and the last note sounded like a dog letting out it's last dying bark. Immediately afterwards, were my monologues and I thought I was at least decent with those (which I was). Okay okay okay so then it was the opening ceremony for the whole festival and it finally hit me where I was. I was home. In that 1200 seat theater, I was completely surrounded by people who shared at least one thing in common with me. A high school performed a condensed version of The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, which was absolutely perfect. I'm not even exaggerating. I fell in love with the musical all over again. And I also partly fell in love with the guy who sang the Magic Feet song. At the end of opening ceremony, the callbacks and cast list for the All-State show were posted and when I saw my name on there AND 4 of my other friends on that list I freaked out. Also, another girl from my troupe got a callback for her solo musical and a few other people from my troupe got onto the all-state tech crew so yeah it was just great for my troupe and it made me really happy n_n Right after the opening ceremony, we already had our first rehearsal for the All-State show which ended at like 11:30. Didn't get back to the hotel until 12:00 AM. Passed out on the bed as soon as I took off my boots.

On Saturday, we had to get up at like 6 to rehearse more. I was exhausted but so excited (and scared). So the whole theme of the show was "Stability" and I every scene was a different person singing or acting with a piece about stability for them. Everybody was so talented, I felt like I didn't even deserve to be there, but they were all so nice too!The whole All-State show process was an incredible learning experience for me, actually. Everyone involved was so talented, I was so intimidated, but after everything was over I guess I was...a little less intimidated by everything.  Anyways, there was a guy in the show who sang Blue Wind/ Don't Do Sadness from Spring Awakening and he was so perfect and his jawline was perfect and he had a nice nose and wore a Wicked shirt and basically yeah I was in love. And in one scene, which was about like school life, I got to hold his hand so it looked like he was cheating on his girlfriend. *sigh* He was wonderful, but he was actually dating the girl he was doing the duet with, so whatevz whatevz. They were cute, so I didn't mind. In the afternoon were the workshops. My workshop schedule got really screwed up and I ended up in two random ones that I didn't care much for. But on the brightside, one guy in my playwriting workshop gave up his seat for me and borrowed a pen from me and he was perfect so yeah! And the rest of the day consisted of an epic game of Ride That Pony...aaaaand more All-State Show rehearsals~

And Sunday was THE BIG DAY. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning, exhausted still and a bit cranky. But all of that stupid shit just went away after that spotlight hit and suddenly it was literally all eyes on me. And I said my monologue and...they LAUGHED.They actually laughed! I don't think there is even a way to explain how great a feeling it is to walk off stage after something like that, but it was one of the best feeling in the world, okay? And just like that, festival was over. My troupe director passed back the IE evaluation forms and I was so surprised when I found out I qualified for Nationals. Not only that, but I had gotten ALL superiors from the judges. I cried, okay, and I AM NOT ASHAMED. It was the cherry on top to such a great weekend. 

Not only that, but 4 other people from my troupe qualified for Nationals and my friend got #1 in the state for costume design. Like ugh. This was OUR year. And for a theater program that is completely ignored by its school administration, we did pretty well. It makes me so upset how even after we came back, administration hasn't mentioned anything about our accomplishments at festival this year. It's so rude. We deserve at least a tweet from the school twitter saying like, "Hey! The school's theater troupe went to the State Festival and blahblahblablah" but no. What do you see? Post after post about football programs and how some team won and what ASB has done. Yup. I totes love my school. Like we totally support the arts. Yup.

It's all over now and I can feel the post-festival depression sinking in. It was like this last year, too. I have no idea what I'm going to do next year. I can't even believe I'm thinking about next year! But it's going to be my last year, and to be honest, I don't think anything will top this year. But that's what's so great about this whole festival again because now it's like I'm so excited for where I can go from here. Who knows? I mean, maybe, my first time on Mainstage was actually my last and only time. And maybe this year will be the only year I qualify for Nationals. Even if it is, though, it makes me happy to know that there's still so much stuff I'll be able to do next year. There will be more people to meet and experiences to have. Anyways, I guess this is goodbye, festival. Until next year.